Censored by Confucius Page 5

  In Which Hunters Expurgate the Fox Fairies

  In the town of Yuanhua in Haichang County there lived a wealthy family whose habit it was to work on the lower floor during the day, thus leaving the three bedrooms of the upper floor vacant. One day, one of the women went to fetch some clothing from the upper floor and discovered that the door to the stairwell was bolted from the inside.

  Puzzled, she thought to herself, "Who could have bolted the door? Everyone is downstairs."

  Finding a crack in the wall boards she peeked inside and saw a man sitting on the bed. She assumed he was a thief and promptly called for the rest of the family to come.

  The man, however, said in a loud voice, "I am moving in to live on this floor and my family will soon be here to join me. I will borrow your beds and tables but the rest of your possessions will be returned immediately."

  He thereupon threw various boxes and miscellaneous items out the window onto the ground below.

  Not long after, the family heard a crowd of people milling about. They peeked through the wall boards and saw that the room was filled with people young and old. This crowd soon began clanking bowls and singing, "My lord, my kind host, you have guests who have come from afar but you have not provided even one glass of wine to welcome us."

  In trepidation the family quickly prepared four tables with flagons of wine out in the courtyard, and all four tables were magically whisked upstairs. After the guests had feasted, they threw all the unwanted cutlery and china out the window. For a while after this there was no more obnoxious behavior.

  All the same, this wealthy family decided it best to hire a Daoist priest to perform an exorcism. But in the midst of their discussions, the people upstairs began to sing, "Daoist dogs, Daoist dogs! Which of them would dare to deal with us?"

  The next day a Daoist priest did come, but just as he was placing his exorcism paraphernalia on the altar, he appeared to be hit by something. He rushed out terrified and unsteady on his feet, his idols and instruments flying out behind him.

  After this event there was no peace from the top floor, day or night, so eventually the owners went to Jiangxi to seek the assistance of the Daoist high priest, Zhang, who ordered one of his followers, a Daoist cleric, to perform the exorcism.

  On hearing this news, the demons on the upper floor recommenced their singing: "High Priest, High Priest, your magic won't work on us. Daoist cleric, Daoist cleric, it's a waste of time for you to come."

  Not long after this the cleric arrived, but suddenly, as if someone had grabbed him by the head, he was tossed to the ground, leaving his face bloodied and his clothes torn.

  The cleric said with considerable shame, "These demons have tremendous power. We will succeed in expurgating them only if we obtain the assistance of the Reverend Xie."

  The Reverend Xie resided in a temple in Chang'an County and was promptly invited to perform the exorcism. He erected an altar and began his task. This time the demons had not recommenced their singing and so the wealthy family were hopeful of success. Suddenly a streak of red light appeared in the sky and with it an old white-haired man.

  This mysterious visitor went into the stairwell and called, "No need to be scared of this Daoist Xie. I can conquer his magic."

  Xie sat at the front of the hall and began chanting his incantations, then threw a bowl onto the floor, where it ran along at a great speed. Several times it spun around the hall and then made as if to go up the stairs, but each time it failed. After a while the sound of bronze bells came from the upper floor, and with this the bowl immediately fell to the ground. No matter what he tried, Xie wasn't able to get it spinning again.

  Startled, he said, "I've exhausted my powers. I can't exorcise these specters."

  He thereupon picked up his bowl and left. From the upper floor came the sounds of great rejoicing and after this victory the specters' mischief reached unprecedented heights.

  And so it continued for half a year, until one midwinter night there was a huge snowstorm. A dozen or so hunters came to the house requesting shelter and received the hesitant reply that although rooms were available, the house was plagued by demons.

  One of the hunters replied, "I'll bet they're fox fairies. You know, hunting foxes is our speciality. Provide enough alcohol for us all to get drunk and we will repay you by driving those foxes out."

  So the family supplied them with food and drink and the house remained brightly lit all night while the hunters reveled to their hearts' content. When they were all thoroughly drunk, they loaded their rifles with gunpowder and fired into the air. Smoke and dust billowed and a huge commotion ensued that lasted through the night. The family was extremely anxious lest this cause the demons to heighten their mischief making, but instead everything was quiet and peaceful by the next morning.

  Several days passed and still not a sound was heard from the upper floor. The family decided to venture upstairs to investigate. They found the floor scattered with fur and all the windows flung wide open. The demons had gone.

  The Goats Who Fulfilled Their Fate

  In 1720, during the reign of the Kangxi emperor, the governor of Shandong, Li Shude, celebrated his birthday with an enormous party. He was showered with gifts of wine and goats by his subordinates, and the drinking, feasting, and entertainment continued unabated for several nights. Many guests didn't bother to sleep at all during this time.

  One of them, a Mr. Zhang from the Bureau of Punishments, had had a little too much to drink and decided to retire to his quarters. As he entered his bedroom he heard from behind his bed curtain the groaning and whispering of a couple having sex. He assumed one of the other guests had availed himself of his bed to have some fun with a houseboy.

  Zhang gave a shout and lifted the bed curtain only to find, making love on his bed just like a human couple, two of the white goats that had been presented to the governor as birthday gifts. When they saw Zhang, they jumped up in fright and trotted quickly away.

  Zhang thought this hilarious and decided to tell his friends what he had just witnessed.

  But before he could do so he collapsed senseless to the floor, began slapping himself about the face, and shouted abusively, "You old fool! You really are despicable! Mr. Xie and I are fated to be together through life and death.

  "We were separated for four hundred and seventy years until we finally managed to get together today. Do you realize how difficult it was to arrange this meeting? Your interruption frightened us out of our wits, and what's more you've well and truly wrecked our betrothal plans. I'll have you know this is an unforgivable sin!"

  Having finished this diatribe, Zhang recommenced slapping himself about the face.

  The governor was quickly informed of this strange occurrence. He marched directly to the scene and said, "My dear Mistress Xie, why are you putting on such a performance? It's my birthday and I was planning on releasing all you animals to accumulate some virtue with the gods, so there really is no need for all this fuss. There are several hundred goats here, but I am sure that when I release you all into the wilderness, you'll each be able to find a suitable partner. I feel certain you'll be able to fulfill your destiny. Are you happy now?"

  When the governor had finished speaking, Zhang said in a rather more compliant tone, "Thank you, my lord!" Zhang's body then jerked sharply and he was returned to his normal state.

  It was Mr. Liang Yaofeng who told me of this incident.

  Capturing a Ghost

  A certain Wang Qiming, formally of the riverside town of Wuyuan, decided to relocate his household farther up the river to an officer's lodge. This lodge had previously been the home of Qiming's clansman, a licensed scholar by the name of Wang Po.

  One night in April 1774 Wang woke from a long and drawn-out nightmare to find a ghost pressing up against his bed curtains. This ghost was so huge that its head brushed the ceiling. But Wang was a brave and daring fellow, and he sprang up and launched a fierce attack on the ghost.

  The terrified creatur
e hastened to the door, but in its panic it crashed into the wall instead. Wang instantly seized the ghost round the waist and pinned it against the wall.

  Instantly, an icy wind gusted up, extinguishing the bedside candles. When Wang turned back to look at the captured ghost its face had disappeared. Wang's hands were chilled to the bone, but he kept them clutched tightly around the ghost's trunklike midriff. He tried to call out to alert the household to his predicament but found himself paralyzed by the ghostly chill and unable to utter a sound.

  Eventually Wang mustered all his strength and managed to scream for help. By the time his kinsfolk arrived the ghost had shrunk to the size of a newborn baby. A candle was brought over, and to everyone's surprise, clutched in Wang's hands was nothing more than a bundle of silk wadding.

  At that instant the house was showered with broken bricks thrown from outside the bedroom window. Wang's kinsfolk were terrified at this display of ghostly wrath and begged Wang to release his grip on the wad of silk.

  Wang laughed in reply. "Ghosts run around scaring people, but they're all bluff and bluster. What can they actually do to us? If I release this ghost, then I'd be rewarding the mischievous bullying of its friends. It's better to kill this ghost as a warning to all the others that we'll not suffer this type of intimidation."

  Grasping the ghost's remains in his left hand, he took up a torch in his right and set about incinerating the wad of silk. It crackled and sparked in the heat and soon there spurted from the leaping flames fresh, scarlet blood. The stench of the fumes from this ghostly funeral pyre was almost unbearable.

  At daybreak Wang's terrified neighbors crowded into the room to see the remains for themselves. The rising stench that assailed their nostrils was still so strong that they all hurried to cover their noses. Stinking, greasy blood the consistency of plaster lay an inch thick on the ground.

  Nobody ever found out exactly what type of ghost it was that Wang had killed, and Wang Fengting, a local historian, simply recorded this event as "Capturing a Ghost."

  Mr. Xu

  One of the wealthiest families in Susong County was that of Shi Zanchen. Moreover, Shi had several brothers and each of them was wealthy in his own right.

  Susong County had a custom whereby wealthy households, like the Shi family, would set up a meal each day in their outer halls for whoever wished to come and partake. The name granted this custom was simply "the sitting-and-eating banquet."

  One day a person by the name of Xu came to eat. He was slightly built and wore a scanty beard. While eating, he pointed at the green hill beyond the gate and said, "Has anyone seen a hill jump before?"

  The unanimous reply was, "Never!"

  Xu then pointed at the hill three times and the hill did indeed jump three times. His audience was greatly surprised, but even more mystified at Mr. Xu's powers. He was thereafter respectfully called Venerable Master.

  One day, Master Xu said to Shi, "Although your family is already very wealthy, I can increase your wealth tenfold by smelting gold from silver with Daoist magic."

  The Shi brothers were rather suspicious of his claim but decided they had little to lose, and so they had a furnace built and each contributed several thousand taels of silver hoping to have it transformed into gold. The wife of the second brother was a very sneaky woman and, unknown to the Venerable Master, mixed some copper among the silver. When the fire had burned down to ash, a huge bolt of lightning hit the house with a tremendous crack, smashing several roof tiles.

  The Venerable Master cursed. "Somebody must have sneaked fake silver into the furnace. This deception has made the gods extremely angry."

  After some discussion the Shis uncovered the wife's trick and their respect for Master Xu's magical powers increased enormously.

  Another time the Venerable Master threw a copper basin into midair and shouted, "Come hither, coins!" A coin promptly dropped into the basin. He continued his shouting and soon the air was filled with the noise of coins of all shapes and sizes hitting the basin.

  The Venerable Master then said, "If we go deep into the hills, far from human habitation, we will be able to make a huge basin and become tremendously rich. Why don't you come with me to Mount Lu, over in Jiangxi Province?"

  The Shi brothers were ecstatic. Pooling their finances, they followed the Venerable Master forth.

  Halfway there, the Venerable Master went ashore. That night he led several dozen bandits wielding great torches and clubs to rob the brothers of their silver.

  He said to the brothers, "Don't be frightened. Although I am the leader of this gang, I do have a conscience. You have treated me well, so if you hand over your silver without a fuss, I'll let you all return home unharmed."

  So the Shi brothers gave him everything they had and shamefacedly returned home.

  Ten years later, a messenger from the Anqing police headquarters arrived with a summons for Shi Zanchen. "We have imprisoned a great robber by the name of Xu and he has requested to see you before he is executed."

  Shi had no choice but to go. Upon his arrival he found that it was indeed Master Xu.

  The Venerable Master said, "I have a request to ask of you, Zanchen. My time is drawing to a close, but I have no regrets about dying, and considering the length of our friendship, I want you to be responsible for burying my body."

  He took four gold bracelets from his wrist and passed them to Shi on the understanding that these would cover any funeral expenses. Then he said, "My execution is set for the afternoon of July the first. You may come and bid me farewell then."

  At the appointed execution time Shi went to the central market square in Anqing, where he saw the Venerable Master with his hands tied behind his back awaiting decapitation. Suddenly, a small child dropped from Shi's crotch and said in the voice of the Venerable Master, "Watch me being killed! Watch me being killed!"

  In that instant, Xu's head fell to the ground and the child disappeared as suddenly and as mysteriously as it had appeared.

  The executioner at the time was Zu Tinggui, a Manchu of the blue banner.

  The Hairy People of Qin

  In Yunyang's Fang County, on the border between the provinces of Hunan and Guangdong, there is a mountain of enormous magnitude called House Peak. Its name is derived from the roomlike caves that flank its four sides. Its height and isolation make it treacherous to venture near.

  Living in this mountain are a people whose bodies are covered with hair and who measure over ten feet. Every so often they venture from the mountain to steal the nearby villagers' livestock for food. If anyone dared to try to prevent this theft, the hairy people would retaliate while retreating with the animals they had snatched. Firearms provided no protection since the lead shot would simply bounce off the hairy people and fall to the ground, leaving them completely unharmed. Traditional wisdom maintains there is only one way of preventing their rampages, and that is to clap your hands and shout, "Build a great wall! Build a great wall!" On hearing this, the hairy people run away in terror.

  A lifelong friend of mine by the name of Zhang Qun held an official post in this region and his experience confirms the efficacy of this tactic.

  The locals explained the phenomenon thus: "In the Qin dynasty during the building of the Great Wall, some of the villagers avoided conscription by hiding in the mountains. After many years they evolved into these strange hairy creatures. We noticed that whenever they came into contact with other people, they would ask whether the Great Wall was completed, thereby exposing their weak point and enabling us to frighten them away."

  One can appreciate how fierce the emperor of Qin must have been if after several thousand years these people still lived in terror of Qin laws.

  The Human Ape

  In Keerke, Xinjiang, there lived a type of animal that looked very similar to an ape but was in fact no ape at all. The Chinese living in the region called these creatures "human apes" and the locals named them geli. The human apes would often poke their heads into people's tents beggi
ng for food and drink, or sometimes even asking for small household items like knives or tobacco. The usual response was to shout loudly at these creatures, sending them scampering away.

  A general stationed in the region managed to domesticate one of these human apes and eventually trained it to perform simple household chores, like fetching water and grinding flour. Indeed, this creature served the general well for just on a year. The time came, however, for the general to complete his tour of duty in Xinjiang and return to China. On the day of the general's departure, the human ape stood in front of his master's horse weeping copiously. Then, as the party moved off, the creature followed along behind for over ten miles, quite clearly miserable at the idea of being parted from the general.

  The general eventually turned to the creature and said, "You can't come back to China with me, just as I can't live here forever in your country. You must stop following me now!" The human ape gave out a pitiful howl, and although he dutifully ceased his pursuit, his eyes never left the general until his mounted figure had faded into the distance.

  The Human Prawn

  At the beginning of the current dynasty there lived an old man who wanted to make the ultimate sacrifice—taking his own life—to display his unbounded loyalty to the previous Ming dynasty. He was, however, too scared to commit suicide. He didn't fancy the idea of using a knife, nor did he care for the idea of hanging himself. Incineration was similarly unappealing.